Niamh Delmar is a Chartered Registered Counselling Psychologist and provides Psychological Support Workshops to work environments. Here she writes about handling our emotions and becoming more emotionally intelligent.
Emotional health involves regulation, awareness and coping skills. Emotions are subjective and vary from person to person. Some people experience an emotional rollercoaster, while others may have difficulty expressing emotions.
Isolating themselves, using substances, overthinking, experiencing interpersonal conflicts or self-neglect are some of the signs of someone who could be struggling with their emotional health.
How emotions affect us
Emotions have an impact psychologically and physically. Chronic fear has been found to be associated with lowered immunity, and anger linked with heart disease. Negative emotions are problematic if there is too much rumination or excessive worry. Many people experience a connection between their emotions and eating habits including restriction and comfort eating. Emotional suppression can increase the risk of depression and anxiety.
On the other hand, healthy emotions, such as happiness, are a contributing factor to a longer lifespan. Studies have found positive emotions to be associated with lower blood pressure, reduced cardiovascular risk and healthy blood sugar levels. Brain imaging studies have found that positive emotions can trigger reward pathways in the brain and lower the stress hormones. Emotional wellness can also help you to bounce back from difficult situations easier.
Emotions can induce physical reactions. The autonomic nervous system and the amygdala in the brain play a part. You may feel butterflies in your stomach with worry, or your heart racing with fear. People often describe a heaviness with sadness, and a light and energetic feeling with happiness. Anger can be felt with an increased heart rate and blood rushing to the head. It's often our reaction to the uncomfortable physical sensations that intensifies emotional experiencing.
We hear 'being triggered’ mentioned frequently, which is more than just feeling irked. It is having a strong emotional reaction to a situation that is disturbing you. If you have a history of trauma, you may feel as if you are experiencing it again.
Emotional dysregulation refers to problems controlling emotions. This can be a feature of certain mental health conditions, trauma, hormonal changes, disturbance in brain activity, and among people who are neurodivergent. Handling emotions benefits our psychological and physical health, interactions and relationships, decision-making, and promotes a healthy lifestyle.
What helps to handle emotions better?
The first step is self-awareness. Take an honest assessment of how you emotionally respond to situations day to day. How well can you express your emotions? Are you prone to over-reacting? What would those close to you say? By identifying your emotions, you can see how they impact your behaviour. Noticing and naming them takes practice. It yields emotional clarity.
Emotional regulation helps people develop healthy emotional responses. Changing perceptions of events, and implementing a healthy behavioural response helps to regulate emotions. Recent research has found that how we react to our emotions is significant.
Studies show that people who judge negative emotions as bad or inappropriate have more symptoms and feel less satisfaction in life than those who perceive them positively or neutral. So when you experience a negative feeling, try to be neutral about it and remind yourself it will pass.
Emotional regulation is about modulating responses and filtering important pieces of stimuli. It facilitates a stop gap before overreacting to a situation. This prevents emotional outbursts or breakdowns. This practice of pausing between emotions and reactions helps to evaluate a situation and employ a healthier response. It puts the brakes on speaking or acting out of ‘big’ emotions.
Becoming more emotionally intelligent
Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to communicate emotions effectively to others and to interpret and respond to the emotions of others. People with high emotional intelligence are self-aware and understand their own emotions and those of others. They can appraise and think objectively before acting. They also feel empathy and concern for others, and are sensitive to their feelings.
Becoming more emotionally intelligent involves incorporating body language, tone of voice, active listening and reflecting. Try to practice communicating your feelings calmly. Use self-talk with questioning techniques such as asking yourself what your wiser part says. Try to induce, enjoy and savour positive emotions.
Dr. Fredrickson, a social psychologist and researcher in this field, suggests we can overcome our ‘negativity bias’, which zooms in all that’s negative in our lives, by experiencing three positive emotions for every one emotion. Cognitive reappraisal has been found to be useful. This involves looking at all angles and perspectives then re-evaluating. It also helps to let go of emotions and not ruminate, if possible.
Growing evidence has found that meditation, CBT and self-awareness help to make positive changes in emotional health. Name your feelings, assess if your reaction is appropriate, use breathwork to calm the fight or flight response, hold off and delay your response. Developing good emotional health is fundamental for physical and psychological well-being, resilience to stress, smoother interactions and relationships and a better quality of life.
The views expressed here are those of the author and do not represent or reflect the views of RTÉ.
